She was a legend, the legend of vampires’ bible. She was an angel, who could save the vampires from life, the angel who could give the death to dead. She was a human. And her name is Victoria.
Now, holding her diary in my arms, I begin to understand that I was quite mistaken in everything what I did and saw during my long-long life. Fortunately, I don’t have a tinge of regret. And I don’t take the rue. I just want you know, in this fast-paced world there always will be people without souls and hearts. And you easy can become one of them.
I found Victoria in a small California beach town named Santa Cruz. I don’t remember what and why brought me to this place, but I always trusted to my non-existed heart. Walking along Pacific Avenue, I was watching all these standard American families and young couples having their breakfasts in restaurants and coffee houses of the Santa Cruz downtown’s heart in this sunny Saturday morning. All this banal happiness always annoys me. Especially I can’t stand when children laugh their pleasure. I’d rather listen to the singer without any ear for music again and again than the children laugh once. I speeded step. I still was confused to be here. But as I never stop the started deal, I kept on going forward the street. I felt the ocean breeze.
Santa Cruz beach boardwalk, the major seaside amusement park on the West coast, was chuck-full. Children were everywhere. It was a real morning hell. The World is crazy to have such a big amount of people who eat, work and have sex for nothing, for just recreating themselves. If the God have ever existed, he was a sick man to create indiscrete chaos. I wanted to disappear completely so badly in that morning. Moreover, it was a hot, shiny day. I hate the sun. I hate all bright colors of this non-sense World of humanity who believes in God creation, and rejects the creation of Devil. This World is so predictable. Everybody and everything has a couple, somebody or something that is completely opposite. Man and woman, dark and light, black and white, good and evil. But what’s about bible that was written by God? Where is a book that is written by Devil? I think hiding the bible’s opposite book from humanity is the only one reason of the World’s chaos and disasters. How can people, who hold a candle to the Devil and denial of a faith, control their souls and hearts? If God hides the Devil’s book, is it the same sin as greediness? Who then is the Devil? Foolish mortal people die for nothing every single day because of their God’s mistake to hide the dark part of his paradise. If Adam and Eva knew the rules of dark side from the beginning, I would guarantee, the world would be cleaner and quitter. And if God could hide the truth and put out of paradise’s doors people after he took care of them as anybody of us would take care of pets, what would he still expect from humanity? And why do people still want to believe in him? I thought about these stupid and timeless questions walking along the beach. The people’s noise became as quite as a grave. I looked around. For a moment I thought I am alone in the whole universe and the sound of the ocean's waves is my one and only buddy. But the fresh breeze took me back into reality bringing the children peeps of boardwalk, which already disappeared behind the high dunes. I stopped. It was noon. Baking sun made me crazy. I decided to return to my car. I wanted to leave this hell place fulled of happiness as soon as possible.
Suddenly, out of the clear sky, I heard the heart's beat. Tick-tack. Tick-tack. I was quite interested to know that I was not alone in my wish to hide from the world's noise. I stringed along with the beautiful sound. I love music. I adore music. But this heart's notes were the best melody of the life's music I have ever heard before. Tick-tack. Tick-tack. I made few more steps forward on the top of the highest dune, and I saw her. I saw Victoria.
She was lying on the colorful Scottish blanket behind the sand-dunes. At first I thought she was reading the book. But then I understood she was writing something into the notebook. Later I found out, it was her diary. It was fatal diary. I couldn't move so beautiful she was. I even was afraid to move a muscle. I was afraid to lose this beautiful sound of her heart. I was afraid to discover that she was just my illusion. I watched her as I would watch the dawn quickening in the east. The catspaw was walking in her curly, long, and auburn hair. She had on a deep green bikini that was a great combination with her as brown as a berry skin. She kept on her writing, she didn't feel my presence at all. I got hot. I desired her as I have never wanted anybody. And then she upped her head a little, and I saw her emerald eyes, and I wanted to scream so hungry I was for this beauty. And I heard my heart just for a moment. Or maybe I just thought I did. But her heart was singing still the same melody tick-tack, tick tack without any new notes and it terrified me. We were eyeball-to-eyeball and she blinked. And then she smiled and said 'Hi!' Her voice made me to crawl. It was the most incredible voice. She had an accent, and I couldn't understand which one.
'Hi!' I replied with all my coldness.
'It is a beautiful day' she said 'Are you local?'
'I am from San Francisco'
'I have been to San Francisco. Once.' She paused. I couldn't find what to say, and she continued with her unchanged smile 'I have my performance tonight in the Blue Lagoon. At 9 pm. If you find how to fill in 6 hours, you could come to see.'
'Do you sing?' I asked just because I had to ask something. But I noticed the shining in her eyes meaning she liked the question.
'No' she answered.
'Striptease dancer' I though. I was disappointed by this reply. I couldn't believe that this beauty is just a dancer of striptease in a bar. I couldn't believe that I mistaken in her. I felt myself as a small boy who didn’t get his toy on Christmas.
'OK. Maybe.' I managed to get out a few words. She seems wasn't satisfied with these two words. I think she expected another reaction on her invitation. But she nicely continued to smile 'OK then, hope to see you tonight.' I forced a smile, turned and kept walking along the beach. After few steps I watched back. She was writing something in her notebook.
Now, holding her diary in my arms, I begin to understand that I was quite mistaken in everything what I did and saw during my long-long life. Fortunately, I don’t have a tinge of regret. And I don’t take the rue. I just want you know, in this fast-paced world there always will be people without souls and hearts. And you easy can become one of them.
I found Victoria in a small California beach town named Santa Cruz. I don’t remember what and why brought me to this place, but I always trusted to my non-existed heart. Walking along Pacific Avenue, I was watching all these standard American families and young couples having their breakfasts in restaurants and coffee houses of the Santa Cruz downtown’s heart in this sunny Saturday morning. All this banal happiness always annoys me. Especially I can’t stand when children laugh their pleasure. I’d rather listen to the singer without any ear for music again and again than the children laugh once. I speeded step. I still was confused to be here. But as I never stop the started deal, I kept on going forward the street. I felt the ocean breeze.
Santa Cruz beach boardwalk, the major seaside amusement park on the West coast, was chuck-full. Children were everywhere. It was a real morning hell. The World is crazy to have such a big amount of people who eat, work and have sex for nothing, for just recreating themselves. If the God have ever existed, he was a sick man to create indiscrete chaos. I wanted to disappear completely so badly in that morning. Moreover, it was a hot, shiny day. I hate the sun. I hate all bright colors of this non-sense World of humanity who believes in God creation, and rejects the creation of Devil. This World is so predictable. Everybody and everything has a couple, somebody or something that is completely opposite. Man and woman, dark and light, black and white, good and evil. But what’s about bible that was written by God? Where is a book that is written by Devil? I think hiding the bible’s opposite book from humanity is the only one reason of the World’s chaos and disasters. How can people, who hold a candle to the Devil and denial of a faith, control their souls and hearts? If God hides the Devil’s book, is it the same sin as greediness? Who then is the Devil? Foolish mortal people die for nothing every single day because of their God’s mistake to hide the dark part of his paradise. If Adam and Eva knew the rules of dark side from the beginning, I would guarantee, the world would be cleaner and quitter. And if God could hide the truth and put out of paradise’s doors people after he took care of them as anybody of us would take care of pets, what would he still expect from humanity? And why do people still want to believe in him? I thought about these stupid and timeless questions walking along the beach. The people’s noise became as quite as a grave. I looked around. For a moment I thought I am alone in the whole universe and the sound of the ocean's waves is my one and only buddy. But the fresh breeze took me back into reality bringing the children peeps of boardwalk, which already disappeared behind the high dunes. I stopped. It was noon. Baking sun made me crazy. I decided to return to my car. I wanted to leave this hell place fulled of happiness as soon as possible.
Suddenly, out of the clear sky, I heard the heart's beat. Tick-tack. Tick-tack. I was quite interested to know that I was not alone in my wish to hide from the world's noise. I stringed along with the beautiful sound. I love music. I adore music. But this heart's notes were the best melody of the life's music I have ever heard before. Tick-tack. Tick-tack. I made few more steps forward on the top of the highest dune, and I saw her. I saw Victoria.
She was lying on the colorful Scottish blanket behind the sand-dunes. At first I thought she was reading the book. But then I understood she was writing something into the notebook. Later I found out, it was her diary. It was fatal diary. I couldn't move so beautiful she was. I even was afraid to move a muscle. I was afraid to lose this beautiful sound of her heart. I was afraid to discover that she was just my illusion. I watched her as I would watch the dawn quickening in the east. The catspaw was walking in her curly, long, and auburn hair. She had on a deep green bikini that was a great combination with her as brown as a berry skin. She kept on her writing, she didn't feel my presence at all. I got hot. I desired her as I have never wanted anybody. And then she upped her head a little, and I saw her emerald eyes, and I wanted to scream so hungry I was for this beauty. And I heard my heart just for a moment. Or maybe I just thought I did. But her heart was singing still the same melody tick-tack, tick tack without any new notes and it terrified me. We were eyeball-to-eyeball and she blinked. And then she smiled and said 'Hi!' Her voice made me to crawl. It was the most incredible voice. She had an accent, and I couldn't understand which one.
'Hi!' I replied with all my coldness.
'It is a beautiful day' she said 'Are you local?'
'I am from San Francisco'
'I have been to San Francisco. Once.' She paused. I couldn't find what to say, and she continued with her unchanged smile 'I have my performance tonight in the Blue Lagoon. At 9 pm. If you find how to fill in 6 hours, you could come to see.'
'Do you sing?' I asked just because I had to ask something. But I noticed the shining in her eyes meaning she liked the question.
'No' she answered.
'Striptease dancer' I though. I was disappointed by this reply. I couldn't believe that this beauty is just a dancer of striptease in a bar. I couldn't believe that I mistaken in her. I felt myself as a small boy who didn’t get his toy on Christmas.
'OK. Maybe.' I managed to get out a few words. She seems wasn't satisfied with these two words. I think she expected another reaction on her invitation. But she nicely continued to smile 'OK then, hope to see you tonight.' I forced a smile, turned and kept walking along the beach. After few steps I watched back. She was writing something in her notebook.
Victoria's diary:
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
I am so tired to depend on love. I want my own life. I want to breath. Everything what I have, what really makes me happy right now is my music. But Alex goes on to insist on stopping it. I gave him my life, my dreams. And what did he give me in return? Love? But is it a love to make me to give up what I like to do most of all in my life? Even if he thinks it is for better thing. And why do I love him still? When I could run with any other man who could offer me more than life in Santa Cruz. I hate myself for loving him so badly. Even when I sleep with his best friend and other different men while he put to sea, I can't stop to love him, I can't stop. I hate my life. I want changes! Any changes!
Today I met a man on the beach. He was strange and short-spoken. He had on red. He wasn't beautiful at all, not my type. Tall, dark hair, well groomed in this annoying red costume while the weather is as hot as stove. But if Alex put to sea, I would invite this strange man not to my performance, but to my room, and I would make love with him dreaming that I have another life, another love, another dream.
